[more old posts]

Well the War witb Iraq is almost over and the U.S. has won. But no chemical weapons have been found yet. So we sent in one of our reporters into the field to see for himself if there are any Chemical weapons. Bill are you there?
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Bill?
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Well i guess he is not answering…O.K. folks this just in. It seems that Bill has been killed in his search for chemical weapons. For some reason he was going around without protection and opening all of the containers himself going “Is there anything secret in here?”. Well his funeral will be tomorrow.

[more old news]

SARS (Seriously Agitating Respatory Something) has been plaguing Toronto, Canada and China. As most of you know, the head editor is from Toronto, Canada. He is saddened by this news. His relatives in Nursing homes cannot be visited due to fears of bringing the virus in and the movie theaters are empty. This is a disparaging situation. So in response for this we have sent one of our reporters right into the Hot Zone. He has not reported back yet. We wonder what is wrong…… Oh hold on this just in! It seems that our reported got lost along the way and walked right into a pit of Lions. We really need to stop hiring these sub-par Intern reporters. The funeral costs are costing us a fortune. His funeral will be Sunday….

[More old news]

For once lets get serious. We have sent out reporters here and there. Millions have been spent of travel, fake passports, and bribes to the local police. What has this gotten us (Well other than a Pulizer prize award ten years in a row)? Nowhere.

So as a pledge to you the editors of G99 news and more….[Ed: Now G’topian news] have decided niot to falisfy any more news stories just to get rating. No more will we lie to our adoring public so CNN will cover one of our stories. And finally does anyone know the number for Jayson Blair? We need his expertise in something….

[more old news]

A reporter of G99 News and more… has been granted unprecedented access to an advanced copy of The Core 2: Icarus script. See here for a full report.

[more old news]

Using our inside sources, we gained information from the secret meetings of the Janitors union and with generous grants to many cafeteria lunch menus, we here at G99 news and more… have organized our efforts and are happy to be the first to announce a winner of the 2004 presidential election.

So without further waste of your precious time and space we would like to congratulate:

Regis Philbin

For becoming President elect for 2004 U.S. presidential election. His continuing efforts to eradicate the humour from morning talk shows has not gone unaccredited. We welcome our new president with glee and hope he remembers our efforts in the previous presidential election to raise his stature to this permanent level.

As we say in our line of business, “One good news broadcast deserves a check”. We away our propaganda funs Mr. Philbin.

[more old news]

We here at G99 News and more… would like to apologize to the nation. We thought our inside sources were infallible. We thought we had a source that will lead us to be the first to name the president. They were never wrong before, but now we have learned that it was all a misdirection. We congratulate the new leader of America and hope that all he has promised us will come true for his administration. If not, at least we will have amble opportunity to make some viewership.

The facts that led us down the wrong path all started several years ago in an encounter in a bar in Washington D.C. One of our reporters, who sadly encountered a strange, yet seducing Twinkey related death, encountered a masked man. After a few drinks and casual conversation the masked man whispered in his ear.

“The millionaire man from ABC will be running for the highest office in the land…” .

The strange figure scurried away into the darkness to a waiting Limo. Little did we know the true identity of this inside source. Only later would we find out who this masked man is. We had been tricked by the devious mastermind that is Ross Perot.. We have encountered him before. His shadow style tactics have become more devious, tougher to track. The real political mastermind behind the Capitol.

Our investigation continues, but many leads turn up either dead or missing. We will not stop in our investigation of this controller of minds, of thoughts, and the media.

[more old news]

Microsoft, the software giant responsible for the bringing to the market Outlook E-mail software and Windows ME, has now taken upon itself to create a search engine to rival the industry giants of Yahoo and Google.
(Source Article)

According to a G99 news and more… insider, we have information about upcoming functions of the Search engine dubbed “Hacked”.

1. New “ease of use” allows people to search for items and webpages without having to go through the complicated process of using the keyboard. Pre-selected and approved by Microsoft websites will be available right from the start with more being added daily. Requirements of being added to the search engine are as follows:
A. All pages must have disclaimer professing undying loyalty to Microsoft corp..
B. Coding must be set into the source of the webpages disabling it from being viewed by all non-Microsoft Browsers.

Requirements are subject to change.

2. For future patches and quality control all code holes will be recognized and tagged with a comment in code. To prevent “Hackers” from breaking the code through these holes and entering into the persons computer or hacking the site, all code will come with the following warning: “Note: If you are a hacker, do not read any further”

Stay tuned for further updates.

[more old news]

We here at G99 news and more… hope all of our American reader, and all people who just like to eat poorly cooked food, a very happy Thanksgiving. The strangeness at the spectacle of Thanksgiving has increased our desires from information over the years. Why has this country come to revere a occasion that many people come to dread before and after? People complain about the dry turkey. The jelly in a can, and the green stuff that grandma Betty makes. Your relatives bore you to death, and the rest annoy you. As usual one or two people you enjoy being with leave early because they forgot to turn something off at home, leaving you holding the dishcloths because your mom/sister/brother/aunt/uncle/dad/friend is to busy chatting it up with others to clean up after themselves. The entire evening post dinner is spent complaining and preparing for the next days activities of waiting in line for the DVD player that will not be there. Yet everyone, for some odd reason wishes it would appear the next year and start the comlaining over again. Its like a pre holiday sacrifice to cleanse your spirits. You get your quota of family and friends and you are good for 10 months or so.

[more old news]

Recently our Reporter in the field Greg Bobson has submitted this report to our field offices in Baghdad.

Greg Bobson: Thank you unnamed voiceless announcer. I am reporting Live from Baghdad to read to you a secret note our sources have given to us from the underground resistance network.

Umm.. Sorry. Wrong list.

Ah here is the real one: