[more old news]

Using our inside sources, we gained information from the secret meetings of the Janitors union and with generous grants to many cafeteria lunch menus, we here at G99 news and more… have organized our efforts and are happy to be the first to announce a winner of the 2004 presidential election.

So without further waste of your precious time and space we would like to congratulate:

Regis Philbin

For becoming President elect for 2004 U.S. presidential election. His continuing efforts to eradicate the humour from morning talk shows has not gone unaccredited. We welcome our new president with glee and hope he remembers our efforts in the previous presidential election to raise his stature to this permanent level.

As we say in our line of business, “One good news broadcast deserves a check”. We away our propaganda funs Mr. Philbin.