Welcome to the new world domination headquarters!

We will be upgrading this site in the upcoming months. So look forward to many new and exciting changes soon!

Your world domination team.

[Another old post from previous site]

Today in sports, at the swim meet, a guy who really sucks at swimming got two 2nd and one 4th place medals. I know nobody is listening to me and just looking at the 23 year old girl in the swimsuit, but who cares. Well as our reporter was reporting on the event, he and the microphone fell into the baby pool and was electrocuted, but nobody else was hurt. His funeral will be Saturday.

[Another old post from previous site]

Today, hordes of fans are cheering and screaming at the new release of the Star Wars: Episode 1 in Jacksonville, Florida (why in the hell would they pick a crappie town like that for a showing? Nobody knows). They are waiting in line to buy tickets for the show witch comes out in two weeks. The new edition contains 30 more minuets of film where Jar Jar is brutally beaten and killed by the whole cast of the movie. We have obtained information from one of our reporters just before he was trampled by the fans rushing to the ticket office. Jar Jar will have his legs and arms ripped out of their sockets and then he will have to listen to the Back Street Boys for 48 hours strait. Then after that the cast will each have their own turn in doing something to Jar Jar. It will be the best Star Wars movie ever!!! Too bad one of our reporters died, he would of loved seeing Jar Jar die, he hated that little freak.

[Another old post from previous site]

Today in Kosovo, the head of our Twinkie coverage division, Bob shunker, was shot in the line of duty when he jumped in front of a firing machinegun aimed at a box of Twinkies. He will always be remembered for this heroic act. He survived the shooting, barely, but the ambulance driving him to the hospital was bombed and totally destroyed by a N.A.T.O. bomb. Also his successor was killed when he went deranged and dumped a whole bag of Twinkies down the garbage disposal. He was shot in front of a firing squad later that day.

[Another old post from previous site]

We interrupt the Super Bowl to tell you this late breaking news. Do people drive recklessly on the roads, we sent a reporter to find out. Unfortunately he was run over before we get his story, we will now cover the whole 4 hour Funeral lets go to our correspondent their Sam. Hold on we have just gotten word that he was killed when the hearse ran him over him, his Funeral will be Tomorrow.

[more old posts…]

A man wearing a Goofy hat on his head has crashed into the guardrail on San Jose road. He is ok but he knocked over a one of our reporters carrying a bag full of Twinkies, the Reporter was killed and his Funeral will be held tomorrow. We don’t know the status of the Twinkies right now but will soon.

A bunny rabbit was run over repeatedly last night by a frustrated pet storeowner. Today he will be tried for first-degree murder and might get the death sentence, hopefully, you scum bag. Unfortunately the reporter was killed by the same people right after he filmed it.
In the news for April 4th we have some late breaking news, Jesus has risen from the grave but was immediately killed with a stake through the heart by psychotic Buffy the Vampire fans thinking he was a Vampire.

[more old posts…]

Steve Forbes has left the presidential race after spending $35,000,000 (for our lower intelligence readers, that is 35 million) of his own money to fund his campaign. He Left after figuring out that in each of the future state primaries he would get less than 25% of the votes and would have no chance of winning in any of them. He had lost in Delaware to Bush and McCain (McCain wasn’t even physically there for the primary!). Boy he is bad, besides who would want a selfish, stupid, and rich president anyway…wait, that has been the qualifications for every president. We need a president who won’t be selfish or stupid or rich, we need Regis Philbin as president. I vote for Regis Philbin for president of the United States!!!

[More old posts]

A group of deranged hackers are systematically attacking certain websites causing them to crash for a short amount of time. They were fed up with all of the hype over the Y2K Bug and the fact that THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS THE Y2K BUG!!! So they started to make their own Y2K Bug. We here at G-99 News and More… hope that they never attack this site. But who would want to anyways?

[more old posts]

The War with Saddam. Good or bad? For oil or profit? We don’t really know. So in order to find out we sent our Iraqi expert Reginald Poporosi to the local Subway to find out the truth behind the matter.

Reginald: So local Iraqi how do you feel about the upcoming war?

Iraqi: Umm..I am not an Iraqi. I am Bob Summers from Glendale. You are in Subway . I just wanted to get a sandwhich.

Reginald: He just wanted to get a sandwhich. Will the atrocities of Saddam never end?

As you can see the war with the upcoming war and the new atrocities of the horrendous Saddam Govt. How can we not go to war by ouraselves against a enemy with 1960s technology?

[more old posts]

This just in:
Breaking News: We will go live to our Imbeded reporter in the field in the war with Iraq.

Big John: Thank you my pimp master. I am live here in Iraq covering the human portion of the war. The living, breathing Iraqi’s. I am here in a suburb of Baghdad and have chatted with many of the locals here. Here are some reactions they have given me. Translated to english of course:

“Get away from me, you sick bastard. I broke up with you a year ago.”